Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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