I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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