Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
