i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
