After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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