I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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