stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
