Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
