twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
