just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
