His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
