I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You made out with two different species that night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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