he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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