either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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