Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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