Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
