My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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