Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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