Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
