my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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