My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
