My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
