i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
