so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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