opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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