After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
