i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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