Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize