well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
