Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
