I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
