I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
