I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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