I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I pour the whiskey from now on
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
