Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can you repeat that, but with context?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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