Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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