PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
