Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
