I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
