Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
