he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
