My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
