its not stalking. its research.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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