I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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