he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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