So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm both gender and math confused
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
