remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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