I can text with my tongue
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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