There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
