Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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