no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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