if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
