Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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