OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
