He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
