my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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